Playing hooky

I'm supposed to be working. I have 30-something files to get through before 5p.m. tomorrow, and yet again I am finding it difficult to concentrate, so I'm hoping a little blog purge will cleanse my soul and my brain.

I went to the gyno Wednesday to see what he had to say. He's pretty much THE Dr. to go to for infertility problems in Nagano, and probably because he's close to the ONLY Dr. who deals with infertility in Nagano, but everyone I know who has gone to him has a success story, so I figured he was probably the place to go. Showed him my temperature chart for the last several months, and he did the quickest and most painless internal exam I have ever been through. Hallelujah for that! Especially since I had a small polyp (I am prone to polyps) that he removed without me even feeling it (although my wallet certainly felt it)!! My Dr. in Osaka, who I loved, loved, loved was probably as gentle as she could be, but her polyp removal technique could definitely use some brushing up. That or she needs some new fancy-schmancy equipment. Anyway, my charts and my insides all look very normal and healthy. Good news I suppose. He did however say that considering my and Akinori's age, going through the whole range of tests might not be a bad idea, but that giving it another couple of months is also a perfectly reasonable choice at this point. Anyway, I have to go back next week to get the results of the uterine cancer, etc. exams and he said I can let him know then. We've pretty much decided that if it doesn't happen this month then we are going to go through the tests though.

However, as silly as it may seem, and I am afraid to even put this in writing, I have my hopes way up for this month. I used the OPK's I got from SIL, and I got a very definite line which means ovulation is going to occur within 24 to 36 hours. I had been using cheapy tests I got off the internet, and never got a definite dark lines, and I was kind of wondering what was really going on. It was just like getting all those very faint lines on the HPTs. You want to hope you're seeing something, but you're not sure. So it had been a long time since I saw any definite positive lines on sticks that you pee on, and I was quite elated by it. It's amazing how a silly pee-on-a-stick test can make me so happy and hopeful.

Anyway I made Akinori perform his husbandly duties 3 nights in a row. I know there are all kinds of theories about how you shouldn't do it more than once every 2 days, and blah, blah, blah. Don't worry, been there, done that. Except that whenever we do it that way, we always seem to miss the actual day of ovulation. I know it doesn't have to be the day you ovulate, but I have a feeling that's been our problem. I know my internet degree in medicine from Dr. Google means nothing, but I just have a feeling. Anyway, we hit the nail on the head this month, and that has given me way too much hope to be healthy, but I am. I can't help it. Now I just have to wait two awful, long weeks to find out if we are going through all the tests and I am going to go through another week of inconsolable depression, or if I can have a moment or 2 of sheer elation, and then something else to worry about for the next 9-10 months. Aaaggghh, someone press the fast forward button! No don't! I don't want to know! No yes no yes no yes!!! AAAAAaaaaahhhhggggghhh!

Really nothing else exciting to report. I turn 35 on Tuesday!! I can't believe it. I find 35 a bit of a scary number. It's so big, and so close to 40, which is even bigger. I certainly don't feel "old" (not that 35 is old, but it doesn't sound young either, unless you're like 60, and then I suppose it sounds pretty young), and I don't look 35, even if I do say so myself. I'm not that hung up on my age really, or anyone else's for that matter, but still it scares me a little.

Akinori keeps asking me what I want, but all I really want is for him to return all the money he owes the family savings, to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby (3 more times), build a nice, beautiful house, and to not have to worry about money ever again. None of these items are available at the local department store. My dear, sweet husband appears to be looking at buying me some jewelry, and although I really do truly appreciate the thought, I would rather he saved that money and just paid back his debt to the family savings. I know I sound ungrateful, but the fact that there is still a huge hole in our savings causes me a lot of unneeded stress, and relieving that stress would honestly be the best birthday present ever, well maybe second, the first being getting pregnant. Just the fact that he even wants to buy me expensive jewelry makes me very happy.

Okay, now I feel like I can get some work done, but before that I have to go and pull my daughter's fingers out of her nose, the latest of her "that concerns me" habits. That one, and hitting herself on the head when she doesn't get what she wants. I don't know where she picks this stuff up. It's not like her father or I walk around the house with our fingers stuffed up our noses, or whacking ourselves on the head (no matter how much I would like to) out of frustration. Aah the joys of being a mother.