I moved my blog

Recent events have prompted me to move my blog and make it a little more private. I really didn't want to do this, nor do I really want to write password protected posts, but I guess if I'm going to blog about stuff that I care about not being publicized to the world, I need to take those measures. It's nobody's fault but my own. Not that I even imagine my life is all that exciting that people would want to openly discuss it with others, hence why I never bothered protecting anything before, but I suppose it's for the best, and when I feel comfortable blogging to the world again, I won't need to protect my posts anymore. Anyway, here is the new address:
http://elemenopart2.wordpress.com
If you'd like the password please contact me. Hope to see you in my new space! Brenda

blog disclaimer

To all the folks who read my blog:

I am fully and totally aware that my blog is out there in cyberspace for anyone and everyone to see. However I am starting to reconsider the repercussions of this decision and have decided it may be time to move my blog to a more private place where I can have more control over who sees what information. That's not something I ever planned on doing, but recently it has come to light that people I know in real life have somehow stumbled upon my blog, and to tell you the truth, that doesn't even really bother me. It does kind of bother me to know that those people who have read that I am pregnant on my blog have taken it upon themselves to share the news with other people I may know in real life. I know it's my own stupid fault for putting it out there where anyone can see, but my blog is my therapy, as I assume it is for many people. Just because I am writing about my pregnancy on my blog does not mean
I have let the cat out of the bag to the real world. Besides my parents and a few select people who have s
tood by me through trying to conceive again, I had planned on keeping it to myself for a little while longer. At the very least until we see a heartbeat. I understand the desire to gossip is human nature. I really do, and I love a good gossip myself, but it just seems to me that unless you hear that someone is pregnant from that person first-hand, not because you managed to
stumble upon their blog, and you have confirmed with them that it is okay to start spreading the news, then telling others about said pregnancy is really not your news to share. Quite honestly if all goes well, and I give birth to a perfectly healthy baby come February, I probably won't even care that this incident happened, but if something tragic were to happen between now and then I know this whole fiasco is just going to make it worse. And yes, I know this is all my own fault for not being more private. So lesson learned. I'll update again once I've decided what to do. Until then, bye bloggy world!

Born to be a star?

The weather has been beautiful lately, and I am almost finished with the monster project, so I've been doing my best to get us out of the house during the day as much as possible. It helps Sara (and me, not that I need it) sleep so much better when she has a good run around outside too.

Today, we went to the conbini to get some snacks, and then off to the park behind our house. Sara was asleep in the stroller about 3 seconds after getting in, which meant I was able to have a nice quiet lunch in the park. And quiet it was, there were almost no other kids there. When Sara woke up she had a good run around, few trips down the slide, run through the grass, then she got to the stairs. Those bloody stairs, followed by her bloody knees, but I digress. Up and down, up and down, up and down, until I get sick of it, because she never, ever, ever will, no matter how much blood is dripping off of her. So I pick her up screaming bloody murder and decide it is time to coax her back onto the playground equipment.

As we're walking back down towards the playground, I notice lots of men in construction worker garb walking around with toolboxes, and think "This is an odd sight, but where have I seen this before?" And then it dawned on me "はじめてのおつかい” (First Errand) a program shown on TV usually around the New Year's and O-bon holidays, where really young kids are sent on their first errand all alone, or with a younger sibling. Anyway, when I looked around, sure enough there were two little girls in the middle of all those "construction workers".

As I was cleaning off Sara's knees the two girls started to play in the fountain in the park. It's only about 15-20cm deep, but the girls were running around having a blast, and slowly started taking off pieces of their clothing one by one, until one of the girls was buck-naked. It was then that a staff member stepped in. We were too far away to hear what she said, but I had a good laugh watching.

There is another kind of fountain in the park where you rotate a handle that kind of looks like the steering wheel on a boat, and water comes out. Sara is totally into playing with water at the moment (along with climbing stairs), so when the two sisters were playing with the water, Sara was right in there playing with them. I doubt we will be on TV though because I would expect that in that situation we would have to sign some sort of release, and I'm sure they have plenty of other footage to throw in the 30 minute segment, considering they were probably filming for a good 3 or 4 hours. But who knows, we may be in the background somewhere, so next time the show is on, probably during O-bon? look for the 2 sisters from Nagano-shi, and maybe you'll catch a glimpse of my little star too! (She'll be the one in the white t-shirt and pink shorts with the gaijin mother following her around saying "dame yo")

Oops in a good way

So you know how I said my big project is ending early minus 50,000. Well it seems I didn't read the e-mail well enough, and only some of the files have been already taken care of by their in-house staff. So the project is still going on until next Friday, and I've only lost 20,000 yen. A much easier sum to part with, although I guess it's not really parting with it since it's not like I actually received it in the first place. Unfortunately, I sent off an e-mail to the company last night at some ungodly hour confirming that the project was finished early and got a reply this morning saying "no, only some files have been done, and xx files still remain. Continue to stick with the schedule please." Oops. I was so completely embarrassed. I'm sure they think I am a totally incompetent ass and will never ask me to work for them again. Ah well, it was good while it lasted.

Then I got a phone call from a number I totally didn't recognize this morning in Osaka. I thought it was the tax office asking me where that last 70,000 yen I owe them for health insurance is, but it wasn't. It was the president of a company I used to do voice recording and textbook editing for something like 10 years ago. Can you imagine what they were thinking when they called? "We are totally desperate! Do you think that one foreigner chick is still around? Who knows? Might as well give the number a try." Anyway, I guess some voice recordings are coming up for a client I recorded for before and they have to submit 3 male and 3 female voice candidates, and they asked if I could send in a recording of my voice by tomorrow morning via e-mail. Sure, I replied, I can do that, but I moved to Nagano prefecture two years ago, so I don't know how much use I am to you here.

Get this, they would pay for my transportation to and from Osaka, and for a hotel for the night before recording AND for any daycare fees I might incur either here in Nagano or in Osaka if I want to bring Sara with me. AND the job pays 60,000 yen on top of that AND it would be on two separate dates sometime between the end of July and beginning of September AND they will work with my schedule if the dates they propose don't work for me. Hello?? What's the punchline because you have got to be kidding me that there are actually gigs out there with perks that sweet in this economy, not to mention that they would be willing to put out all that money to bring me from Nagano, when there are more than enough foreigners roaming the streets of Osaka/Kyoto/Kobe. Wow! Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that they pick me.

Sometimes things just seem to fall into place. Oh happy day!

Happy birthday to me!!

Today was my 35th birthday. That looks so weird in writing. 34 doesn't seem nearly as old as 35. Hell I don't even feel 30. I still feel about 25 or so. I actually got nervous enough about being 35 today to look up "middle age" because I wanted to make sure I'm not yet, and at least Wikipedia still thinks I'm not (even though according to the US Census Bureau I am - screw the US Census Bureau BTW).

Anyway, it was actually a rather lovely day. I started getting happy birthday messages on my Facebook account last night, and all through the day my phone has been ringing with happy birthday calls, and texts. I woke up to a slight toilet malfunction though, when I went downstairs to use it and what Akinori had left earlier in the morning, was still there waiting for me. My first thought was "What a shitty birthday present". Ah, I kill me! Akinori, however, just about died of embarrassment when I told him what I found this morning. I don't see what the big deal is, though I probably wouldn't want him to find my bodily waste lying around either, but shit happens. (Am I on a roll or what? BTW, it's my birthday - you have to say I'm funny.)

Sara was actually quite well-behaved for me today and went down for a nap this morning in about 2 minutes, without any fuss. So I took that opportunity to take a shower. My mom, then my dad, then both of them called while I was in the shower, singing "happy birthday" into the answering machine. It was very cute. They made sure to call right around noon too, which is when I was born. Kind of sweet, I thought. I called back and my mom then had to relate the story of my birth, as she does every year. Having my own daughter, I now realize she does this more for her benefit than mine. She is thinking about what she was doing XX years ago today at this time. At least this year she left out the "...and then you RIPPED me open" line. Talk about a guilt trip.

Sara woke up and I decided to take advantage of the absolutely gorgeous weather Mother Nature, my new best friend, sent for my birthday. So we headed to the local jidokan for a bit of playtime, stopping off at a lovely little cafe for lunch first.
After Sara charmed the counter staff with all of her waving bye-bye, while bowing her head in proper "domo" fashion, we headed to the jidokan where Sara had a grand time running amok and screaming and laughing. I need to take more videos of her because she is seriously one funny character. I know she's my kid and all, but I really enjoy hanging out with her, a good thing I guess, considering she is my kid and all.
After the jidokan, I decided I had to stop by Starbucks because my lovely, lovely friend H sent me a Starbucks gift card in the mail since she couldn't take me to coffee in person. Is that not the sweetest thing ever? I actually teared up when I read the card I was so touched. Although I really would have loved to have coffee with her in person, I thoroughly enjoyed my Grande-sized Dark Mocha Chip Frappuccino (or something with a similar name) and every single frothy calorie infused into it. You can't beat chocolate and whipped cream.

Sara was asleep by the time we got home and Grey's Anatomy was just about to start. Perfectly perfect! Sara then woke up half way through and turned off the Sky Perfect box, as she does lately, at a really good part. That is perhaps her most annoying habit yet. I can deal with her turning off the Sky Perfect, but she always does it at the good parts. What is that? Anyway, I also got an e-mail from the company I am working on a monster job for telling me that the current volume I am working on will be the last, and that the last two volumes were needed in a hurry by the client so that had to get them done by someone in-house right away. I am a little torn about whether I am happy or sad about this. I think more sad because that was just over 50,000 yen pulled out from under me, and I really, really could have used that money. I am a little relieved though because that means I'll be finished with this project on Thursday, instead of next Friday, and I have been dying to be finished with this project. I miss not feeling guilty for using the computer for something other than work, or for playing with my daughter, or for not playing with my daughter. I just need a break from work, so it's not all bad.

Akinori came home mid-Grey's and wanted to work on some project he's doing outside until it was time to take me to belly dance, which was fine, except that he's never quite organized enough to time things just right, and we were 10 minutes later leaving the house than I wanted to be, and I was totally annoyed. The lesson went well though and I had a new student show up tonight, so that was good. The new student is a new friend as well, and she actually brought me a present to class, which was so sweet.

I forgave Akinori quickly for making me later than I wanted to be when he came to pick me up and sitting in the passenger seat was that baby blue bag that every woman loves. I know I said I didn't want him to buy me jewelry, but really, I'm very pleased with the lovely gift he got me. Plus, I'm not exactly sure how much this cost, but I know it's one of the less expensive items Tiffany has to offer. If he had to spend money on jewelry I'm glad it was on something tasteful but not too expensive. The first and second birthdays I had while we were together, he sent me 100 white roses because he was in Nagano and I was in Osaka. I LOVED receiving them, and I am grateful that I can say I have received a bouquet of 100 roses in my life, twice in fact, but twice is enough, two more times than most people I think, so I'm a lucky girl. But really 100 roses is pure, unadulterated luxury, something we can totally not afford and a totally impractical gift. How unromantic am I?

We're going out for a proper birthday dinner tomorrow night, so tonight we just stopped by the conbini as we usually do on Tuesday nights after I teach. Akinori and Sara had eaten earlier, so after I finished dinner, Akinori said he was going to get Sara's bath ready, and came back a few minutes later with this.
My husband did good.

All in all a very happy birthday. Here's to at least 35 more!

Playing hooky

I'm supposed to be working. I have 30-something files to get through before 5p.m. tomorrow, and yet again I am finding it difficult to concentrate, so I'm hoping a little blog purge will cleanse my soul and my brain.

I went to the gyno Wednesday to see what he had to say. He's pretty much THE Dr. to go to for infertility problems in Nagano, and probably because he's close to the ONLY Dr. who deals with infertility in Nagano, but everyone I know who has gone to him has a success story, so I figured he was probably the place to go. Showed him my temperature chart for the last several months, and he did the quickest and most painless internal exam I have ever been through. Hallelujah for that! Especially since I had a small polyp (I am prone to polyps) that he removed without me even feeling it (although my wallet certainly felt it)!! My Dr. in Osaka, who I loved, loved, loved was probably as gentle as she could be, but her polyp removal technique could definitely use some brushing up. That or she needs some new fancy-schmancy equipment. Anyway, my charts and my insides all look very normal and healthy. Good news I suppose. He did however say that considering my and Akinori's age, going through the whole range of tests might not be a bad idea, but that giving it another couple of months is also a perfectly reasonable choice at this point. Anyway, I have to go back next week to get the results of the uterine cancer, etc. exams and he said I can let him know then. We've pretty much decided that if it doesn't happen this month then we are going to go through the tests though.

However, as silly as it may seem, and I am afraid to even put this in writing, I have my hopes way up for this month. I used the OPK's I got from SIL, and I got a very definite line which means ovulation is going to occur within 24 to 36 hours. I had been using cheapy tests I got off the internet, and never got a definite dark lines, and I was kind of wondering what was really going on. It was just like getting all those very faint lines on the HPTs. You want to hope you're seeing something, but you're not sure. So it had been a long time since I saw any definite positive lines on sticks that you pee on, and I was quite elated by it. It's amazing how a silly pee-on-a-stick test can make me so happy and hopeful.

Anyway I made Akinori perform his husbandly duties 3 nights in a row. I know there are all kinds of theories about how you shouldn't do it more than once every 2 days, and blah, blah, blah. Don't worry, been there, done that. Except that whenever we do it that way, we always seem to miss the actual day of ovulation. I know it doesn't have to be the day you ovulate, but I have a feeling that's been our problem. I know my internet degree in medicine from Dr. Google means nothing, but I just have a feeling. Anyway, we hit the nail on the head this month, and that has given me way too much hope to be healthy, but I am. I can't help it. Now I just have to wait two awful, long weeks to find out if we are going through all the tests and I am going to go through another week of inconsolable depression, or if I can have a moment or 2 of sheer elation, and then something else to worry about for the next 9-10 months. Aaaggghh, someone press the fast forward button! No don't! I don't want to know! No yes no yes no yes!!! AAAAAaaaaahhhhggggghhh!

Really nothing else exciting to report. I turn 35 on Tuesday!! I can't believe it. I find 35 a bit of a scary number. It's so big, and so close to 40, which is even bigger. I certainly don't feel "old" (not that 35 is old, but it doesn't sound young either, unless you're like 60, and then I suppose it sounds pretty young), and I don't look 35, even if I do say so myself. I'm not that hung up on my age really, or anyone else's for that matter, but still it scares me a little.

Akinori keeps asking me what I want, but all I really want is for him to return all the money he owes the family savings, to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby (3 more times), build a nice, beautiful house, and to not have to worry about money ever again. None of these items are available at the local department store. My dear, sweet husband appears to be looking at buying me some jewelry, and although I really do truly appreciate the thought, I would rather he saved that money and just paid back his debt to the family savings. I know I sound ungrateful, but the fact that there is still a huge hole in our savings causes me a lot of unneeded stress, and relieving that stress would honestly be the best birthday present ever, well maybe second, the first being getting pregnant. Just the fact that he even wants to buy me expensive jewelry makes me very happy.

Okay, now I feel like I can get some work done, but before that I have to go and pull my daughter's fingers out of her nose, the latest of her "that concerns me" habits. That one, and hitting herself on the head when she doesn't get what she wants. I don't know where she picks this stuff up. It's not like her father or I walk around the house with our fingers stuffed up our noses, or whacking ourselves on the head (no matter how much I would like to) out of frustration. Aah the joys of being a mother.

The Next Step

AF showing up last week was a lot tougher to handle than it has been the last few months. I was stupid for getting so excited so early, but I'm not usually as late as I was, and there was definitely a bit of a line within the prescribed time, so I got myself all excited over nothing. I was also excited at the thought that my SIL and I might be pregnant at the same time and have babies within a week or two of each other. The news that my SIL is pregnant was really a mixed bag of emotions for me. Don't get me wrong. I don't begrudge her her pregnancy, or have any bad feelings or ill will toward her, nor was it at all difficult for me to be around her during Golden Week. In fact, if anything I found comfort in being around her and talking to her. She's been trying to get pregnant for about a year now (and this is with her 3rd), so she knows exactly how frustrated I am, and the fact that she is pregnant gives me hope that I soon will be too.

Akinori has been great through all of this, and really supportive. Of course he is happy that he still gets an abundance of guaranteed sex this month, but I felt bad for getting his hopes up last month. He was all excited and talking about names and whatnot, but when I apologized for getting his hopes up he was totally supportive and understanding and not at all like, "I told you we shouldn't get so excited too soon", which I thought he might be. Anyway, I have promised myself that no matter what happens, I am not peeing on any sticks before my period is officially late this month. I have a feeling this month might be difficult for us to get pregnant though as my temps are all over the place, and considering I was not expecting my period to show up so late, I really am not sure how long my cycle is at this point. I guess being a few days longer or shorter is fairly normal, but then how in the world do you know when to expect AF or ovulation exactly?

Anyway, I've decided I want to go to the dr. anyway, just to get checked out and make sure there is nothing physically wrong with me that is keeping me from getting pregnant. I'm going to be 35(!!) in less than two weeks, and that thought has me kind of worried about the state of my uterus and what-not. I know you're probably thinking I'm worrying over nothing, and we've only been trying for 4 months, and we still have time. I know all that, but I just think I need the peace of mind that comes with a doctor actually saying "You and your eggs are perfectly healthy. Go off and procreate!" So I've decided Wednesday is the day. I have to teach in the afternoon, so SIL has agreed to watch Sara from the time I go to the Dr. until my lesson finishes. Bless her!

So on to more interesting topics. During Golden Week I went to Nagoya for a full day of belly dance workshops with 3 Egyptian choreographers and dancers. WOW! They were awe-inspiring. 2 men and 1 woman. The woman is the next big up and coming dancer in Egypt, so it was really exciting to get to meet her in person and learn her signature choreography and just to watch her move was worth paying for.

But wow, such an incredibly humbling experience. I've never been particularly good at picking up choreography. Normally when you're taking lessons, you have months to learn one choreography from start to finish, and believe me I need months. 3 hours for one 5-7 minute choreography just about shorts out my brain, so I was definitely feeling like an ass when all these women around me are dancing the choreography perfectly by the end of the 3 hours, considering we've gone over it about 783 times at that point, and I'm still stumbling through not able to take my eyes off the person in front of me. Not that everyone was dancing it perfectly, but I was the only non-Japanese person there, aside from the instructors, so I kinda stood out just a little bit. I'm still having visions of them sitting around their hotel room going "man, that whitey girl was the worst one of the group".

I was only able to do the first hour of the last workshop. I forgot to bring my dance shoes, and by the middle of the first workshop I started getting blisters on the bottoms of both my feet. By the middle of the second workshop (this is somewhere in the 4th or 5th hour of dancing barefoot) the blisters popped. After the 7th hour I could barely walk, let alone dance, and my feet were hurting so badly that whatever little choreography remembering skills I might have tucked away somewhere in my brain were completely overtaken by the pain part of my brain. So I had to sit out the last two hours and just watch. I was seriously disappointed, because it was a style of dance that I really want to learn. But I took a video of the dance on my phone, so that will have to be good enough I guess. My feet however were much worse for wear, so much so that I ended up going to the hospital when I got back to Nagano the next evening.

My feet had swollen up to the point where I couldn't move my big toes and it was incredibly painful to wear shoes, so I thought some bacteria had gotten into the popped blisters, cause let me tell you, the blisters were HUGE. But the doctor said, nope, just big blisters causing my feet to swell. They put some (big-ass) band-aids on my feet, and sent me home. Since then though, I have slowly been falling apart. My right hip and knee have gone funny and I can't sit on the floor with my legs crossed now. Very painful. Not sure how I'm going to teach a lesson tomorrow night without hurting some other part of my body or making what is already bad, worse, but I will have to manage somehow because I need the income!

I plan on going to Tokyo later this month for another workshop with the father of modern belly dance. Very super excited about that. Then next month I'm going to a workshop in Osaka with a major belly dance star in Egypt. Pretty excited about that one too. Then I'm going back to Osaka like 3 weeks later at the beginning of July for a friend's wedding, and I just got a phone call today from another friend in Osaka inviting me to their wedding at the end of July. Have yet to decide if I'll be going to that one yet. T was more of a "friend with benefits" in my swinging single days, and Akinori knows all about him and our history. In fact when he called today, I hung up the phone and Akinori was like, "That was T, wasn't it?" Mind you, I haven't spoken to T since before Sara was born I don't think, so how on earth Akinori figured that out is well beyond me, but sometimes it scares me how well he knows me. I mean really scares me. But I digress. The point is there is a lot of travel and expenditure in my near future that I need to pay for somehow, and I can't let some monster blisters or a few wonky joints get in my way.

Okay, that's a week worth of blogging right there I think. Gotta get some work done before we conduct the opening ceremonies of baby-making week in the Kaneta household.

The wait is over

and I'm not pregnant. That's all for now.

Time to sit back and just wait

Did another HPT this morning with fmu and got the exact same results as yesterday. No darker, no lighter. I watched the damn thing for the entire 10 minutes after I peed on it. It looks exactly like the one in yesterday's photo. But my temp is way down this morning. Seeing that makes it hard to remain hopeful. You're supposed to wait until you're a week late for reason I suppose. Anyway, too tired of the hoping/guessing. Got to give myself a reality check and just wait a little longer without getting my hopes up. Thanks for all the support folks.

You be the judge

I got the pink kind this time. Was gonna wait until tomorrow morning since I already did one this morning, but we all know how good I am at waiting. See the line on the left? Or is it just me? Do the pink ones not get evaporation lines at all? Or just not as obviously? Anyway, what do you think?