Panty Fetish

No, not hubby, Sara. Every time I do laundry she always manages to find my underwear as I'm sorting and folding and throw it over her head. It's really kind of funny, though a little gross. I took a photo of her sitting in front of the TV wearing my underwear around her waist tonight, and I would post it, but I would rather the entire internet did not have access to photos of my underwear, no matter how difficult it is to actually make out. If you take them away from her she totally nuts out, so I just leave her have them until she can be distracted with something else.

In other news, I have decided not to blog about Mrs. X anymore as I found that actually expressing my feeling towards her in written words just stressed me out even further. I met her for coffee once during the week and was literally clenching my jaws the entire time. Why spend time with her if it causes me so much turmoil you ask? I ask myself the same question all the time. The only answer I can come up with is that she is so incredibly persistent that it is impossible to refuse her sometimes. Although when I think about it, things really have gotten better. A few months ago she was wanting to go to lunch two or three times a week, something my wallet just couldn't handle. Plus, nothing tastes particularly good when you're not enjoying the company you're with. At least now it's just coffee.

I think I was just stressed in general last week. I have gotten exactly three reservations for next month's workshops. Three reservations will almost pay for my friend's travel expenses, that still leaves the cost of the studio and her lesson fee to be covered. At least she's my friend and has agreed to do the workshops for free if there are no profits in the end, but that would really suck. I'm hoping there will be a full house at the dinner show, and I can use those profits to pay for everything else. I just don't want to end up in the red.

The other thing that really stresses me out practically everyday is money. I really, really, really want our own house someday. I hate being in debt, but I know that there's no way we could pay cash for a house, so I understand that is a debt we will probably have until we die, and I am fine with that. I just want it to happen, but I have to admit I want a nice house, one that will cost lots and lots of money, requiring a huge bank loan, and bank loans are not easy to come by these days, especially when you have little savings, a husband with a ridiculously low salary, a wife with an irregular, unstable income, and the husband is nearly 40. Luckily we won't have to buy land and we can probably put up his parents' land and house and maybe even business as collateral (even though the land is the only things really worth anything). I just want to work towards this goal and my husband is so damned laid-back, take things one day-at-a-time, maybe we'll win the lottery, attitude that it drives me CRAZY! He wasn't good with money before I met him and he's not any better now. I just don't let him touch the finances now. But I feel like there is always something around the corner to suck away at what little savings we have. I had a goal for how much we should have in the bank at the end of this month. I don't even know how it happened, but we are so not there. I really am going to have to tighten the purse strings in the new year, and unfortunately that means I have to cook a lot more, which I hate, but it seems that if I want to have my house someday, I'm going to have to bite the bullet and put on an apron. Know anywhere to find super-duper easy recipes? I could use a few dozen!

A Perfect Day

When L called yesterday to decide what time we should meet today, she suggested 9 o'clock. Not my favorite time, but getting an early start is better than starting too late, like Akinori and I usually do, hence spending only 45 minutes at the zoo yesterday before it closed. I set my alarm for 8 and ending up sleeping in until 8:30 and Sara showed no signs of waking at all. I have to say that waking up with her next to me is really the nicest possible way to wake up. She'll usually wake up at 6 or 7 for a bottle, then go back down for another 2 hours or so. She kind of starts out half asleep and half awake and rolls all over me with lots of hugs, then she gets all smiley and giggly and lots more rolling and hugging. I used to hate mornings, but now I actuallyook forward to those few minutes every morning. Amazing what kids will do for you.

Back to the point here, L was running late and called to ask if we couldn't meet at 10 instead. Perfectly fine with me! So we met up and she told me all about her time with Mrs. X. I had to laugh at a lot of what she said. I was able to guess at a lot of the stuff they talked about since Mrs. X tells the same stories over and over and OVER again, not hard to imagine what their conversation was like, well not really a conversation really is it when only 1 person does the talking.

Anyway, L and I went to a flea market that was happening about a 2 minute walk from our house first, where she picked up a few really super cute items. I just walked around showing off my super cute baby. When we left the flea market, we didn't really have any plans for what we were going to do next, but I was really up for a bit of an adventure. So we got in the car and went to Hakuba. I hadn't been to Hakuba since I went snowboarding about 8 years ago, but I had really been wanting to go since I heard there was a large foreign population there and lots of stores and restaurants that cater to them. The drive took a lot less time than I expected, and when Hakuba came into sight, this is what it looked like...


It was soooooo breathtakingly beautiful. Forget the fact that I HATE snow, it was just too beautiful to be concerned about the cold.

Now that we were in Hakuba, we were hungry and I tried to find somewhere to eat using the GPS. A place came up that I knew I had heard of, so we tried to go there, but it was closed. It was along a mountain road that was lined with pensions, so I guess maybe it's only open during the ski season. It looked cute though so it's too bad it wasn't open. The area was beautiful so we drove around for a little while, then turned around and decided that we really needed to find a place to eat. So we just went into the first place we found that was open, which also happened to be quite cute, and yummy! Here's Sara and mommy getting ready to eat. (Mommy looking a little bit like a witch I think, maybe that would explain the lack of a smile on Sara's face.)



After lunch there wasn't much to do since it's not ski season yet, so we decided to drive closer to the ski slopes and check them out and then head home. Not one phone call or text from Mrs. X all day. Peace.

We came back to our house and hung out for a bit before L had to go and meet someone else. Akinori came home early and got to meet her briefly, then he took a quick shower and we went to the annual Ebisuko fireworks display. Wow! Japanese fireworks displays are amazing. I haven't been to one in the States in years and years, but I don't remember them being nearly as long. This fireworks display went on for nearly TWO HOURS!! It was cold, but worth it. Here's just a sample...

Apparently it's one of the largest displays in the country, especially nowadays considering the bad economy. No one's wasting their money on fireworks anymore, except for the good people of Nagano. One more good reason to live here I guess!

Catch me if you can!

So the other night I wrote a post, posted it, then deleted it. I felt a bit evil for ranting about a certain person. She's not a blogger, nor does she read blogs, and I didn't name her, or even "initial" her, and when I went back and read it, I didn't even write anything that horrible. I just felt bad though, and I feel even worse now since I have been doing my best to avoid this person the last few days, but I feel that it's all I can do to keep my sanity.

One day not too long ago, this woman who I am going to call Mrs. X called and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. I had plans with my new friend L in the afternoon, but I said I could meet for a little while before that. So we did, and when it came time for me to meet L, Mrs. X said she would just say hello and then go. Of course that is not what happened. L shows up and Mrs. X doesn't leave, she stays, and she doesn't stop talking for 30 minutes, straight. Then she suggests that we all get another drink at Starbucks. L and I hadn't seen each other in over a month and we were both looking forward to catching up, but couldn't because Mrs. X was not letting anyone get one word in.

So then Mrs. X graciously offers to drive me home. I told her that was okay, I wanted to do some shopping at the department store next door for dinner. She says, "okay, I'll go shopping with you, then drive you home." The point was that I didn't want her to drive me home. I wanted to have a chance to have just a few minutes alone with L, so we could catch up even a little. So I told her that Akinori was planning on coming to get us after. I felt so bad lying, but the woman was just not taking a hint! She got it then then though I think because she scuttled out of there in a rush.

Sometimes Mrs. X will call to meet up 3 times in a week, but usually just once. I can handle once, but more than that becomes painful. Sometimes when I haven't seen her for awhile I really enjoy spending time with her too, but sometimes it drives me insane, especially since she spends 95% of the time we're together talking non-stop. That is no exaggeration either. Once in a while she'll ask a question and I can give a one-word answer, and then she'll go and expound on my answer in the absolute opposite direction of where I was headed, but it is impossible to stop her, and more impossible to shut her up.

Friday there were 6 of us at lunch. It always kills me to meet with her in a group because she has to control the conversation where everyone is listening to her, or if she can't do that, then she will corner one person and talk their ear off the entire time. I just get so annoyed. It's like she sucks the fun out of what would otherwise be a really fun lunch for me. So when she texted me to invite me out on Saturday night, and said that she had invited L too, there was no way I was going. I felt bad for leaving L with her, but I figured that L is an adult and she can make own choices about whom she chooses to hang out with and can say no if she wants to.

L and I have plans for Monday and I wanted to call her and talk about those before she caught up with Mrs. X on Saturday night. When I called her she said she wasn't going to meet up with her that night afterall, but was going to meet her for lunch Sunday instead, and did I want to go? I said that we didn't have plans, and it was only lunch, so call me and maybe yes, I would meet for lunch, but when Akinori and I got home, we decided that we would go to his friend's restaurant for lunch and then take Sara to the zoo, so that meant lunch was out. Oh well.

I got a text from Mrs. X then today inviting me to lunch with L, and then saying that L was going to go up to her house and then out to dinner with her in the evening near her house, and inviting me to join them too. We had plans, so I refused but I couldn't help feeling sorry for L since it sounded like she was being kidnapped. I wondered if L even knew of these plans that Mrs. X had for the whole evening. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I see L.

Apparently though Mrs. X knows that L and I are meeting tomorrow because L called me today in front of her. She said that she was waiting for a moment alone to call me, but that never happened so she just said fuck it, and called. I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be getting a text message or phone call from Mrs. X tomorrow asking me what I'm doing or wanting to join us. I really don't want that to happen because I am putting my foot down. I hate being a bitch about this, and I feel like I am being mean and petty, but I need a break. I need to be able to meet up with a friend and actually have a conversation with that friend, and I can't do that when Mrs. X is around. NO ONE can have a conversation with Mrs. X is around.

I really am not a catty person I don't think. I enjoy a good piece of gossip as much as the next person, but that's just me being nosy really. I don't enjoy seeing anyone get hurt, and I certainly don't want to hurt anyone, no matter how much they annoy me, but I really do not know what I can do to avoid this person any longer. I don't really want to be brutally honest with her because I think it will hurt her, and I don't think it will help the real problem, which is her inability to stop talking and actually listen to others.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings, but tomorrow is bringing an early morning with L, so it's time to go to sleep for now.

Sweet, sweet freedom!

Hello World! I'm back from hell, and it wasn't fun. I finished a fairly painful translation project this afternoon, and I actually had butterflies in my stomach as I was typing up the last few sentences. It wasn't all that bad. About half was laughably easy, but the other half was so freaking painful I wanted to cry. I didn't get to sleep before 2a.m. once in the last week and a half I think. Akinori and I had a big fight towards the end because I wanted more help from him with Sara and he felt that he was doing a lot as it was and I just wasn't appreciating it. We had a nice long talk about that though and both felt a lot better about things at the end I think. Anyway, it's done and now I'm just waiting for the big fat paycheck at the end of December. Can't wait!!

In other news from friend K is coming from Osaka to do some workshops here in Nagano. She and I started belly dancing together and were kind of partners until I changed jobs and became a slave to USJ. I had to quit dancing completely for about a year and in that time she started teaching and taking all kinds of workshops and really improving as a dancer. By the time I got back to dancing, we were in completely different leagues. But now she is a great source of information, inspiration and encouragement and I can't wait to see her and I can't wait to see how the workshops turn out. We're doing two, one on Friday night and one Saturday afternoon and then a show at an Indian restaurant (the closest thing to Middle Eastern Nagano has to offer) later that night, where I'm also going to have a cake for Sara's birthday, since she will turn 1 the day before. I cannot believe my baby is going to be 1 already!

Anyway it's all very exciting and busy, and working on that translation project was just killing me as I was thinking about organzing belly dance stuff every moment and it was sooo hard to stay focused! I was actually really lucky to get a dance studio and the restaurant organized only a month out from the event. I went to a few places and they were either booked up, cost way too much, or really shitty studios. I then decided to contact a place I didn't think I had a chance in hell of booking, and not only were their rates reasonable, the dates I wanted open, and a really nice studio, but they want me to teach belly dance there from the new year. Well, sort of. It would just like what I'm doing now, paying for the studio myself, and organizing all the students on my own. But they would advertise on their homepage for me, which is a huge plus! But the place I rent now is run by the city, and ridiculously cheap - 200 yen an hour! The studio, although reasonable, is not nearly as cheap, which means I would really have to have a good number of students to make it worth it. As it is now, there are times when I only have one student show up to a lesson. That wouldn't even pay for the cost of the studio if I moved to the dance studio. It's definitely something to think about for the future, but I don't think I'm brave enough to take that plunge right now. We'll see how things go after the workshops. Hopefully I'll get a few more students.

Alright, well it's now the next day already, and Sara needs my attention. I've been sitting in front of the computer all day for the last month. Time to go outside and get some Vitamin D for us!

Day 5 of No Boobies

I don't know if this is going well or not. I thought Sara would be more fussy and grabbier at my boobs, but she's pretty good unless she's tired, and then she starts peeking into my shirt and trying to pull it down. But I got her down for a nap without boobies for the first time ever today. I felt like it was a huge triumph. We got her down to sleep last night and the night before with no boobies, but she woke up in the middle of the night both nights. At least she only woke up once, and not the 3 or 4 times she had been waking up lately. Last night was pretty bad though.

Sara woke up around 2:30, and I tried shushing her and patting her back and putting my face close to hers, and even letting her grab my hair, which is really painful and I don't normally let her get away with, but nothing was working for more than a few minutes. She finally starting to really wail and I asked Akinori to pick her up and rock her. My boobs were still so painful I couldn't hold her close to me. He tried but she was too wiggly and upset. He said we should just ignore her and let her cry it out. He was very good at it, I was not. I felt SOOOO guilty knowing that I had the power to put her right back to sleep and I wasn't using it. I am glad though that we made the "official" decision to stop BFing or I would have just broken down and given her some, no matter how painful. She really is a good baby though and even when she's having a tantrum, it's not non-stopping crying for hours or even minutes on end. She'll give a few good screams, and then she'll be quite for another minute or so, then some more screams, then another few minutes of quiet. It's kind of misleading really. You never know if she's calmed down, or if she's just resting for the next round. Anyway, during one of the quiet times I heard her stomach growl. (Akinori was also against trying to give her a bottle because he's afraid that that will become her new habit in the middle of the night.) So I woke him up and got him to make her a bottle, and she drank it and fell right back asleep. Ahh, peace is restored.

This morning I went for another "massage" at the Mommy's Room, and it actually didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would and I feel so much better. My boobs are no longer rocks anymore, thank goodness! That was soooooo painful, all the time. It was really hard to get a good night's sleep like that. Stop reading if you get grossed out easily! There was all kinds of milk crumbs coming out too. So gross. She explained though that my nipples had a lot of sores on them, and continuing to breasteed would be putting myself at further risk for infection because of the germs that could get in from Sara's mouth. So even if my breasts swell and are sore they are far less likely to get infected. She also said that it looked like the worst had past, and that it should be downhill from here. That was honestly the best news I have heard all week!

Not much else going on. After finishing at Mommy's Room I stopped by Yamada Denki because they have a book section there and I picked up a 家計簿 - household account keeping book. I really feel like I need to start keeping a closer eye on where we're spending our money. I have big goals for saving, and I want to reach them quickly because I want my goddamn house! Especially now. This house is so so so so cold! OMG!! I have no idea how we are going to stay warm this winter. I thought we were all going to wake up turned into icicles this morning. Yesterday and last night were freaky cold, and it's going to get warmer the rest of the week so we have a little bit of time to figure this out, but DAMN it is cold in this house right now! I want to build a nice, warm, insulated, centrally heated house!

Alright, I need to get back to my translation project because I got very, very little done while I was in the hospital and a loooong way to go on it.

Exciting Weekend!

But not in a good way.
I was supposed to take Sara, dressed as an adorable little poodle, to the Halloween March down the shopping arcade on Saturday morning, and then have my Nagano belly dance debut Saturday night. No such luck.

Friday night I finished practicing for Saturday, and was ready for a nice relaxing bath and bed when my left boob started hurting again. So while I was in the bath I tried to relieve some of the pain myself, but I'm no professional, and it just wasn't working. I got out of the bath and could already feel a fever coming on. It was about 11 or 12 at night at this point, and I was feeling too bad to even sit and watch TV with Akinori, so I told him I was going to bed. He grabs Sara and brings her up, which I was less than thrilled about because it meant that I had to wake up with her if she woke up before he got there. He could have just brought her up when he came up and let me sleep peacefully, but I was too tired to argue. Sara pretty much stayed asleep anyway. In the meantime the pain was getting worse and worse, to the point where I couldn't raise my right arm, and my fever was climbing. When Sara did finally wake up, I tried to nurse her and it was so painful I let out a yelp or something that totally freaked her out and she was inconsolable and so was I. So Akinori kept telling me to call the maternity clinic where I gave birth, but I wasn't so keen on calling them in the middle of the night for something less than contractions that are 10 minutes apart or water breaking, but I finally did when I couldn't take anymore at 2:30.

I tell the nurse on call my symptoms, she consults with a midwife, and they tell me to come in. I do and am subjected to the most painful oppai massage of my entire life. I don't even know any words that can describe how painful it was. I honestly wanted them to just cut the damn things off. I just kept thinking in my head, "Was giving birth more painful than this? It couldn't have been. There's no way." Not to mention that my whole body was in pain from the fever to begin with. Just a bad, bad, bad situation. So after a few hours of torture, a more senior midwife comes in and takes a look, puts me through so more pain, and finally says, "If you're willing to think about giving up breastfeeding, I think it's a good idea for you to check into the hospital for a few days. If you don't want to give up breastfeeding, we'll send you home with some antibiotics."

I had a good think about it and considering the recent problems I've been having, and that the root of the problem is most likely Sara and the fact that she uses my nipples as a pacifier and pulls on them, but more than anything was that I couldn't handle the pain any longer, and if giving up breastfeeding was the answer, than I think it would probably be best for everyone. I was starting to find myself not exactly angry, but almost a little resentful of my daughter, and I didn't that feeling to continue or progress. Plus, there is the chance that she'll finally start sleeping through the night. Although giving up breastfeeding makes me really, really worried about gaining weight back. I lost so much, and I was actually hoping to lose two more kilos. I know at this point I don't need to lose anymore, but those two kilos are important to me and I'm not sure I can do it without that little bit of extra help. Hell, I'm not sure I can maintain this weight without the extra help. But mostly I'll miss that time with my baby. Our little connection that her father cannot understand or replace no matter how hard he tries. I'm afraid of losing that closeness with her, but I chose to be admitted. I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year, but I just can't keep going through this. When weighing the pros and cons, it just makes more sense for me to give it up now.

They gave me a pill to reduce my fever, and called Akinori into the room. I had to go to the bathroom and he said he'd wait to take Sara home until I got back. I think it was about 5 or 6 at this point. I got up and felt kind of woozy, made it to the toilet, did my business, and started to feel incredibly, horribly sick. So I pressed the nurse call button in the toilet. I felt like such an ass, sitting on the toilet still and opening the door for the nurse to come in, but I was just in time because at that point my entire body started to feel all tingly and then I couldn't move, anything. My mouth and tongue were all tingly too. My hands were frozen with my fingers all drawn together. I couldn't move anything. It was so scary. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. And it was really painful. It was like getting a full body charley horse. I guess when they say "she went into convulsions" this is what they are talking about. Very scary. They got a wheelchair and wheeled me back to bed and took my blood pressure, which was just a little low, so I guess they were no longer as worried, and just had me breathe deeply and slowly. So finally the convulsions passed, Akinori came back into the room, said goodbye, and they stuck an IV me in for a few hours while I finally got some sleep. I had been awake for a looooong time at that point.

So that was all for the really exciting part. I'm totally poked full of holes though. I think I had about 8 or 9 IVs while I was in the hospital for just that short time, and they took blood twice. I started feeling much better by late Saturday, except for my boobs which are totally and completed swollen and ballooned and needing to be drained of milk, but I've been told that draining them will only make the whole process more drawn out, so not to touch them. Just keep icing them, and taking antibiotics. I am so loaded up on antibiotics right now, I'm sure I'm impervious to a whole slew of diseases!

I'm still trying to figure out if I should teach my belly dance class tomorrow night. I obviously can't do much dancing myself, but I can still watch my students move, and instruct, and I can honestly use the money, after that unexpected hospital bill. I guess I'll wait and see how I feel tomorrow. Thank goodness it's a national holiday and Akinori will be home because this house is a MESS! I was gone a weekend and all hell has broken loose, and my daughter cannot walk more than three steps on her own yet, so how the ENTIRE house got into such disarray I will never figure out. Although I shouldn't be surprised. I saw what Akinori's apartment looked like when he lived alone while we were still dating. Barely space enough for one person to walk from the front door to the toilet. (Sigh) makes me remember what my apartment looked like when I still lived alone. I miss the space! The emptiness! The lack of *things*!

Alright, I guess it's time for me to try and get some sleep, though these huge, hard-as-rock, melons on my chest make it kind of difficult to get comfortable. Okay, even the cat is telling me it's time for bed now as she sits in front of the living room door staring at me, waiting for me to go upstairs. Goodnight!

Grounded

I'm grounding myself from blogging and from reading blogs and Facebook for the next few days at least, and possibly weeks. I have a HUGE translation project going, and I'll never make my deadlines if I keep screwing around on the internet at night when I should be working. The work isn't hard, just tedious and long. I can't complain though because it is sorely needed cash. I'm also performing at my BIL's event on Saturday, and I am so not prepared. So in the hours that I'm not working on the project, I should really be practicing for Saturday. So at the very least, I'm grounding myself until Sunday. Okay before I get carried away and start writing a novel about why grounding myself is absolutely necessary, I'm going to get in the bath and then go to bed. When I'm off my grounding I'll elaborate a little more. See you in a few days folks!

No jury (of mothers) in the world would convict me

The DH and I are trying to get over a tiny bump in the road at the moment. At least I think we are. He's so clueless I'm sure he hasn't thought twice about how frustrated I am with everything at the moment. It happens every so often though. We'll have a patch where we just cannot stop fighting. Maybe it's just us, but I suspect that this is marriage. Maybe not all marriages, but definitely ours.

The whole flyer business just fucks me off beyond belief. Next time I need something done I'm not going to be cheap about it, I'm just going to ask a professional. I should have done so right from the start. Thank goodness he finally sent off the copy this morning. The flyers should arrive on the 28th, so plenty of time for my show on the 31st, but still he was so slow about getting them done, and so petty when I wanted to give my opinion about something. It's MY bloody belly dance school for christ's fucking sake! If I had just gone to a professional I could have told them what *I* wanted and given them *my* opinion on whatever I wanted. You live, you learn. Done.

Then today I'm waiting around to take a shower this morning for him to watch Sara. He says he'll do it after he sends off the copy. Fine. It takes him 10 bloody years to do this! Why? I don't know. Because it takes him 10 bloody years to do freaking everything! It was because he had done something funky to the file and couldn't get it to open. Of course he's too proud to say anything to me and just continues to putter around FOREVER on his own, so when I went back to find out what the hell he was doing, and fixed the problem in 2 minutes, he was less than impressed. (*I* was less than impressed!) And he starts muttering about his horrible headache. (I'll give you a horrible headache!) I asked him to feed Sara while I was in the shower, and he starts in with "you didn't feed her yet?!" I fed her breakfast, and gave her boobies at least twice since breakfast, and I feed her every other freaking meal during the week! I think on weekends, he can feed her lunch while I am in the shower since the reason I am taking a shower at lunchtime is because he was fucking around on the computer forever! So I just yelled back as I was getting in the shower, "She's your daughter too! Take some responsibility!" Then I turned my ears and brain off because I was getting close to grabbing a heavy object and charging back into the living room.

We finally get out of the house and actually have a rather lovely afternoon. We went to his parents house to pick something up and took their dog for a walk. That was nice. Did a little shopping and then go to drop off the presents I brought back from America for his friends who had twins back in April. Sara had just fallen asleep in the car after a short tantrum in her carseat, and we were just going to drop off the presents as Akinori had more stuff he wanted to get done. Not going in the house or anything so when Akinori asked if we should wake Sara up, I told him definitely not.

A: "But she'll go right back to sleep."
Me:"Not without a lot of tears, and I don't want to go through that again, and I don't want to put her through that. It's not fair. She's tired and wants to sleep. How do you feel when I wake you up?"

I don't know about you, but I hate it when my daughter cries, for a variety of reasons, but mostly it makes me sad to see her sad. If I can prevent her from being sad, then I would like to do so, within reason anyway. I have no intention of spoiling her and buying out Toys'R Us to please her, or anything like that. But not waking her from a much needed nap? I think that's the least I can do.

So the husband comes out and gets the presents and says to wait a minute, he'll be right back. So he comes out with his wife and one of the twins, the other one is SLEEPING! So Akinori decides we should wake Sara up after all and pulls her out of the car. His friends are even telling him, "Oh don't do that. The poor thing is sleeping so soundly." Bastard! So Sara wakes up in a good mood and is all smiles and giggly, but she rarely wakes up in a bad mood, so I'm not surprised and still not convinced that she'll go back to sleep without a fuss. Of course the moment we get back in the car the screaming starts up again, and doesn't stop until we finally get out of the car. At least it stopped.

We made one more stop before going home, and Sara slept the whole way home in the car. It was already 9:30 by the time we got home, and she didn't wake up when we brought her inside, which meant that she would have gone down for the night if we left her. Of course Mr. Smarty Pants decides that now that she's asleep it's the best time to grab a pair of tweezers and pull out the monster booger in her nose that she won't let us get anywhere near. I begged him to leave her alone this time, and that I would deal with it tomorrow when she woke up. But no. My pleas fall on the deaf ears of Mr. Mom who knows best when it comes to raising children and especially his daughter.

Of course the moment he gets within an inch of her nose, she wakes up. And this time she's full of energy. Crawling and shrieking and chasing the cat and happy to be awake and alive. Great! Is Dr. Spock planning on taking responsibility for his actions? Don't be silly! He lays down on the floor and makes a half-assed attempt at getting Sara to lay down with him before he FALLS ASLEEP! I'm beyond pissed off now, and leave Sara to crawl all over her dead-to-the-world father while I go and change into my pajamas and warm up the bedroom so we can go to sleep for real. I come back downstairs to find her sitting practically on top of his head surrounded in bum wipes. SURROUNDED! Granted I stupidly left them within her reach, but did he not feel the cold wetness on his arms? Because they were EVERYWHERE I tell you! So he wakes up to my shrieks of displeasure and is all in a muddle about what is going on. Figures it out, tells me it was my fault for leaving them where Sara could get to them because he's sleeping and has no clue. Well, he's right about the not having a clue part. I admit that it's partially my fault, but surely we have passed the point where I need to accept blame for any goings-wrong much, much earlier in the day, because if we're going to start attaching blame to all of the events of the day, let me tell you, the scales are not balanced at the end of this day.

So in light of the recent events, if I were to cause bodily harm to my husband, I can't imagine there are many mothers out there who would actually convict me of any crime. Sooooo tempting!

Never ever again!

I'm NEVER EVER EVER EVER asking my husband to do anything flyer related for me again. EVER!! I have learned my lesson. End of story. Just had to get that off my chest as I am totally and completely frustrated with him! Shoot me now! I cannot listen to another one of his goddamn excuses. Times like these make me question my sanity when I said "I do". AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Pain in the Boob

Ouch ouch ouch! I woke up yesterday morning thinking that it was probably a good idea to go to the "Mommy's Room" at the hospital where I gave birth to get an oppai (boob) massage because my boob was hurting in that oh so familiar "this isn't going to resolve itself without professional intervention" type of pain. I've been stopped up 5 or 6 times before enough to need a massage, and only once had a fever and been put on meds for it. As luck would have it two of my three Thursday afternoon belly dance students had already canceled the day before, and the third canceled that morning. That put an end to my wondering whether I should get an oppai massage or tough it out and hope that Sara eventually sucked out the pain.

When I called Mommy's Room shortly after waking up I wasn't feeling that bad, but by the time I left home my joints were aching and I could tell a fever was coming on.
I had my massage and got some meds and then called Akinori because I was feeling so bad at that point I didn't know how I was going to make it through the rest of the day with Sara. By the time I got home, which is only a 10 minute drive, Sara was sound asleep and I was seriously contemplating sitting out in the car with her until Akinori got home because I didn't feel strong enough to carry her into the house. But the chills were getting the best of me and I decided that I needed to pull together the last of my strength, get us in the house, and get under some blankets.

I was glad that Akinori was coming home, but I wasn't too confident that he would actually be any help in looking after Sara as he mentioned on the phone that he has yet to finish my flyer (more on that later). I thought he would use me as an excuse to leave work early and then go off on his own agenda as he's been known to do in the past. (grumble grumble) Surprisingly enough though, he actually came back, packed up all of Sara's stuff and whisked her off to his parent's house. I got to go back upstairs and have another 2 hours of good sleep! I still felt like crap though when I woke up, and for the rest of the night my head was pounding so hard I wanted to poke my own eyes out. It felt like something was trying to fight it's way out by pounding through my eyes and then the back of my head alternately. Ouch ouch ouch!

Luckily I woke up this morning feeling much better, though not quite 100% yet. Akinori stayed home until 12:30, though I'm not sure how much help he really was. He did go out and get breakfast while I was sleeping. Sara was napping on the floor when he left too, so he left the living room gate open. I was still sleeping when he got home, but Sara had woken up and crawled off without making a sound, and Akinori found her in the genkan, on the floor, playing with shoes. Good thing she can't walk yet. He started giving me crap about not watching her, but he knew I was sleeping when he left, and that I'm not feeling well, AND all he had to do was close the gate when he left and there would have been no problem whatsoever. He can be such an ass sometimes.

By the time he left for work I was feeling a lot better. Just a little bit of a headache, but nothing compared to what was going on in my head the night before. I definitely wasn't feeling up to going anywhere though so Sara and I stayed in all day. Poor girl. She was going out of her head by the time daddy came home at 4:30(!!) Talk about a slacker! I made Akinori take Sara with him to go to the conbini and get us some dinner cause there's no way I was cooking tonight, and she definitely needed at least a few minutes out of the house.

Akinori then kept saying, "okay after this I'm going to the computer room to work on the flyer until xx o'clock." And he kept saying it as it got later and later until he finally went. I wanted to bug him about it so badly, but I am so tired of bugging him to do shit. Aaaarrrrggghhh! Why oh why oh why oh why can he never get anything done in a quick and timely manner? I am a fairly good procrastinator, but he is definitely the king, emperor, and grand duke of procrastination. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

This flyer I keep talking about is a flyer for my belly dance classes. Way back in June, when I first started teaching, I spoke with the owner of a chain of Indian restaurants about dancing at his restaurants. He said that he would be happy to have me dance there, but to give him some flyers first. So I went straight away to Akinori's friend who cuts my hair because I know he's a photographer as a hobby and asked him to do my hair and make-up and take some quality photos for me. Akinori said that he would make the flyer on his computer (since he had convinced me to buy Photoshop and Illustrator way back in April and they cost a mint, and I don't think he's used them for anything he said he would yet-that's a rant for another time).

So first Akinori promises to have the flyer done by the time I leave for Chicago at the beginning of September. That didn't happen because I had a lot of work come in during August that I needed to finish before I left and Akinori needed to watch Sara at night meaning he couldn't get on the computer until she fell asleep, and he usually fell asleep with her. Fine. He then promised to have the flyer finished by the time I got back from Chicago. For one whole month he had the house to himself to work undisturbed and uninterrupted! Granted there were a lot of things he needed to get done around the house while we were gone, but there's no reason he couldn't have gotten them all done, including the flyer. Of course I get back and he hasn't even started it. So unimpressed!

I get back from Chicago and my BIL is DJing at an event on Halloween and invites me to be the entertainment for the evening. I'm not getting paid for it, but it's a great chance for me to advertise and gather students and get the word out that I'm available to perform at parties and events, etc. I won't be performing for free forever and I figure I need to make some compromises to really get this off the ground. I definitely want, no NEED, to be able to distribute flyers at this event! If I want that to happen, the printer needs the copy today, of which there are two hours left. At this very moment Akinori is sitting in front of his computer still working on the flyer. Aaaarrrgghhh!