Feeling better? Not sure...

Thanks for your comments everyone. I really, really appreciated them. For some reason the internet inexplicably disappeared after my last post, and then reappeared this morning so I couldn't post or reply to anything until now. Why mechanical items think they are allowed to develop minds of their own, I have no idea, but I'm glad the internet is back because I sure as hell missed it. Another newly discovered addiction I guess.

I canceled my Tuesday night belly dance class, and I canceled my class this afternoon too. Tuesday I was just way too out of sorts to handle teaching a 90 minute class, and today, besides the fact that all but one of my students canceled, it is just too damn cold outside. I have no motivation to do anything that requires me to leave my living room, on top of feeling a bit emotionally zapped at the moment. I feel like shit for canceling the classes, and I so need the money, but I just couldn't handle it today. If winter doesn't end soon, I don't know if I will ever be able to handle it again. I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again, probably another 7 million times before winter is over, I fucking HATE winter!! The cold weather is doing absolutely nothing to improve my mood either.

I couldn't avoid going out at all today though. I had a meeting at the dance studio where I'm going to start teaching a regular belly dance class next month. So frickin' frustrating! This older couple owns a dance studio where they teach mostly ballroom and latin, but they want to start a belly dance class. So far we've pretty much avoided talking about payment, but obviously we have to talk about it sometime. I'm doing a trial lesson on Feb 14, and I've agreed to that for free, which I think is extremely generous! The husband then offered me 500 per student per lesson after that. WTF? If one student shows up, I get 500 yen? I don't think so! That won't even pay for parking! Even if two students show up, 1000 yen? I think not.

From this week I'm teaching another class that only meets once a month, but they wanted to give me 500 yen per student, and I said no, it has to be at least 1000 yen AND there are at least 10 students in that class. So the owner of the studio said that this would be weekly, not monthly, and I understand that, but I want at least 5000 yen per lesson, and even that is really super cheap. Ridiculously cheap, but I'm willing to do it. Hell, they pay for a flamenco teacher to come from Nagoya once a week and teach, and I'm sure she charges more than 500 yer per student. So the money talks have been put off once again.

Before I left though the guy tried to get a free English lesson off of me, which really pissed me off. They want me to teach their 16 year old son English. Their son wants me to teach him English too, but I really don't want to teach English. There are so many JETs and other English teachers in this city, why do they have to harass the only native English speaker in the city who has absolutely no interest in teaching, for lessons? Not only that, they asked before how much private lessons cost, and I told them I thought the average these days was about 2500 - 3000 yen an hour? (Am I about right here? Someone tell me if I'm way off.) So I sort of entertained the thought of teaching him. He wants to learn, which makes all the difference in the world when teaching (although I am still not keen on the idea), but it is some extra pocket money that I can really use. Anyway, today the wife tells me that he wants to know if he can trade English lessons for dance lessons (the son teaches ballroom and latin dance too). I am really not so interested in taking ballroom dance lessons. I mean I'm not all that uninterested, but I would much, much rather have the cash. I mean I would much rather not teach at all. Auggghhh I feel like any dealings I have with this couple leaves me with the short end of the stick. Someone tell me how to grow a backbone and stand up for what I want or don't want to do!

This has just been another one of those days, and now I am waiting for a gaggle of 6 of Akinori's girlfriends to show up here for dinner. Why, you ask? I would like to know why too! I know two of the girls coming tonight, and like them both a lot, but I have no idea who the other four are. Apparently they are bringing over all of the ingredients and cooking the dinner, we are just providing the location. We invited this one girl over to our place when we first moved, but there was never a good time, and since that was now 6 months ago, somehow her coming over for dinner has snowballed into this huge event, on a Thursday of all nights. Seriously! Why? Knowing my recent mood, Akinori wanted to cancel but felt too guilty since we've canceled on her the last 3 times we tried to get together, and I told him as long as I don't have to lift a finger I could really care less. It's not exactly as if I've felt like cooking lately anyway. The last 3 nights we either ate food from the conbini or hokka ben, so as long as they take care of the cooking and clean up, they're really doing me a favor. I just don't necessarily feel like putting on my friendly hostess with the mostess face, but I will try.

At least tomorrow I have something I am truly looking forward to! I'm going to lunch at a friend's house, and I haven't seen her for several months. She lives about 10 minutes away by car, and yet we rarely see each other. She has 3 kids though who are all much older than Sara, so I'd feel bad calling her all the time to hang out. But she has also invited another foreign wife with 2 young kids who lives in the next town, so it will be nice to meet her, and hopefully make another friend!

All in all, I'm feeling better about the events of earlier this week. Not great, but better. More embarrassed and stupid than anything else I think. Though every time I think about trying again and being disappointed again a month from now, I want to cry, but we will try because like the lottery, you can't win if you don't buy a ticket. I even went out and bought a fancy basal thermometer to aid in our attempts. Let's hope it helps!