I had a few bits of really sad news this past week. The first was that a friend from when I was on JET died. He wasn't a good friend, and I hadn't seen or heard from him in at least 5 or 6 years, but it is incredibly sad, nonetheless, to know that he is no longer here. Even sadder is that he took his own life. I'm not sure of the details. I heard everything 5th hand or so, but there is a Facebook page dedicated to him, and reading it made me cry like a baby. He was definitely not the type of person I would ever believe could do something like that. He was funny and good-looking and nice to everyone, and really, really smart. Apparently he had become depressed while teaching in Africa, and returned to the States, where he was still depressed, but refused treatment. I just hope he is happier now and at peace. Rest in peace, my friend.
The other bit of sad news was also a death. My first boyfriend ever's mother passed away. It looks like it was from cancer. Again I found out through Facebook (better than the evening news, that Facebook). I'm not in touch with him that often anymore. He lives in LA now, so I saw him 5 or 6 years ago when I was there visiting my aunt and uncle on my way home, and I'll drop him a line now and then, but he's a successful (not really famous though) actor/dancer/comedian/public speaker, and is constantly traveling or filming something. I just figure he doesn't have time for the little people anymore and only contact him when I go home to see if he'll be around.
Anyway, I was so shocked to hear that his mother passed away. It made me cry like a baby again for the 2nd time in as many days. There were so many posts on his Facebook wall with people sending their condolences, and I wanted to send mine too, but writing something on his Facebook wall seems so impersonal. I wanted to call him, but it was only a day after his mother passed, and I didn't know if it would be appropriate to call him. So I sent him a message on Facebook, and I was crying the whole time I was writing. I wrote it and re-wrote at least 6 times, and it took forever. I had no idea what to write. I couldn't think of any words that would portray how saddened I was to hear. I just said that I was sorry to hear the news, that I thought of calling but didn't know if it was appropriate, that I was sorry there was so little I could do from so far away, but I would like to send flowers or make a donation, so when you have time please let me know where I can send one or the other to, and I shared a memory that I had of her.
I read everyone else's messages, and they were so well-worded and sounded so heartfelt. I felt like I had made a total ass of myself and that what I wrote didn't seem heartfelt at all. I'm just not good at expressing myself in these situations I guess. If I could see him or talk to him, it would be different, but in writing, I don't think I come across very sincere at all. I just feel horrible. I wish I hadn't sent the message at all and just sent flowers to the funeral home or something. I seriously feel like an ass. (big sigh)
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5 comments:
Im so sorry you had so much bad news this week :(
Im absolutely sure you did NOT sound like an ass, but I appreciate how hard these things are to write. Im sure he appreciates the gesture no matter how small, or how stupid you felt doing it :)
Thanks Fi!
I needed that little bit of encouragement :)
I agree with fi, I'm sure any gesture was much appresiated. I never know what to do/say/write in those situations too, it always seems like it's not enough... :(
Hope the week improved for you after all that sadness!
No matter how I try to express my feelings in written word they never come out as well as what others write or the way I want them too so I know what you mean but like the others said I am sure whatever you did write was appreciated.
I am sorry you had so much bad news this week. This kind of news can really shake you up even if you have not been in touch with the people recently. An old friend of an ex of mine that I knew back in highschool (who was a twin) was electrocuted on a job site early last year and I heard about it a week or two later from another friend and I was shocked to the core- he had been 24 at the time....Even though I hadn`t seen or thought about this guy in quite a few years it still shook me up a lot.
I hope this week brings more positive energy into your life...
There is no "right thing" to say to somebody in a situation like this, because everybody feels differently. I remember when my mother died and the range of comments I got. The ones that really upset me were the "I know what you're going through..." comments. The worst was one (young) friend telling me she knew what I was going through because she had lost her pet gerbil a few months earlier. Gerbil and mother?! Yeah, that comment pissed me off.
The ones I most appreciated, however, were the ones that were actually sincere, and especially people who made it clear they were there for me if I needed them.
Your idea of sharing a memory of your friend's mother sounds wonderful. Something he can keep as a remembrance of his mother.
Sorry I've gone on for so long, but this is someting that touches close to home, even 20 years after my mother passed away.
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