Spoke too soon

Last night I started to feel quite crampy, not painful cramps, but just cramps you don't want if you think you are pregnant, and this morning I had a gotta poop type cramps. So I did, and there was lots of blood (TMI? sorry) and I couldn't tell which type of blood it was, and with the faint lines from the previous few days I was really confused so I called the hospital and they told me to come in.

I had a urine test there, and it was negative for pregnancy, but then the Dr. called me and said that he couldn't say with 100% that it was negative because it looked like there was a faint positive line to him. So I am either 1. not pregnant, and never was. 2. Was pregnant, but have now miscarried. 3. In fact pregnant, but it is still too early to tell. The doctor did an internal exam and there was no little yolk sac. In fact he said it looked the the uterus does at the onset of one's period. Makes sense if this is my period, but he refused to say for sure that it was or wasn't or that I had miscarried or not, or anything really. He just said wait another week, do another HPT, and if it's positive then, then come back in. Wonderful!

So I am assuming I am not pregnant because this is just a little too much of a whirlwind for me to continue hoping that I am, and then be completely disappointed when I find out I'm not in a week. Of course I will still do the HPT in a week, just to see what happens, but for now I'm not getting my hopes up, and I am now in a right shit mood, and Sara is being an absolute monster this morning. I know she can't help it. She's 1 and doesn't understand why all of the stuff she wants to touch is dangerous and bad, but I could do without the tantrums and tears every 10 minutes, and the maniacal laughing every 5 minutes in between, when she thinks she's getting away with something. Maybe my kid is bipolar, or maybe she NEEDS A NAP!

Anyway, I am feeling like the biggest idiot in the world for being so convinced I was pregnant with just a faint line. Next time I'm adopting Akinori's stance, and I'm definitely waiting a full week after my period is due before I do any HPTs, as difficult as that may be. The crappiest part is that if this is my period, and just a regular period, not an early miscarriage or anything, I now have no idea what my cycle is. It's sort of all over the place. I guess that means we'll just have to have a lot more sex this month. I suppose that should be the silver lining on this cloud over my head, but right now even the thought of lots of sex can't put a smile on my face.

I'm going off to wallow in my misery. Later folks.