The first test I took is on the bottom, the middle was the 2nd, and today's test is on top. The lines look much fainter in the photo, but even in the photo you can see the line in the bottom test, right? I should have known when I got a fainter line the next day that something was wrong, but there is really nothing I could have done, is there. I think I just need for someone else to see the tests and agree with me that the first was definitely positive enough to allow me to reasonably believe that I was pregnant.
I am trying to look at the positives.
- All of our attempts last month, were not in vain. We did in fact fertilize an egg, so my timing was not off.
- It is believed that chemical pregnancies tend to happen because of chromosonal abnormalities in the fertilized egg so if the egg had matured the baby would have most definitely had certain health problems, and it is definitely easier to raise a child without significant health problems.
- Miscarrying sucks whenever it happens, but the sooner it happens, the less time it takes for my body to recover, so we can start trying again this month.
- Miscarrying so soon means I didn't have a chance to become truly emotionally attached to my baby. I think miscarrying, even a week later, let alone a month later would have been much more traumatic.
- Because chemical pregnancies usually go undetected, it doesn't technically count as a miscarriage on any medical history.
Anyway, on to happier stuff. Last night's dinner party was actually quite fun. We had tomato nabe, and Akinori was really, really good about making sure I didn't have to do anything for it. Akinori promised to do the clean up in the morning before he went to work, which he didn't, but I just left it, and he did it when he got home. Luckily only 4 girls showed up, instead of 6 because there was no way another 2 adults would have fit in our tiny kitchen. The girls didn't leave until after midnight, so I couldn't get Sara to sleep until after 1 which I wasn't too happy about. But she slept until 10:30, so at least that was good. The tomato nabe so totally yummy and there was enough ingredients left over for me to cut them up and throw them in the nabe again tonight, so dinner tonight was easy-peasy, just the way I like it. I bet you'll never guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow night...
Lunch today was great! My friend C is American, and has been living in Nagano for 19 years, or something crazy like that. Her husband made us all the most delicious pasta and ratatouille with homemade cheese for lunch. I don't know where she found a husband who not only likes to cook, but is amazingly good at it, but I would like to trade mine in for one of those models please. The other woman C invited to lunch is English and has two super sweet girls who are 4 and 2. Our 3 kids had a great time making a huge mess of C's house, and then C's 3 kids came home from school and the fun was doubled. We didn't leave until just after 6 or so and we got there around noon, which to me is an undeniable sign of a truly fabulous day. I talked so much my throat hurt when I got home! We have decided that we have to have a girl's night out sometime soon, so I am really looking forward to leaving Sara at home with her daddy and having some ME time with friends. In fact it is just so nice to have such nice, normal people that I actually would like to be friends with, who live relatively close to me, and not feel like I am trapped in some skewed relationship with a psycho stalker woman.
Sara and I have gomi toban in the morning so I really need to be getting off to bed! Gomi toban is serious rubbish in every sense of the word, if you ask me, especially on the coldest morning of the year when it is supposed to me -7 out and snowing! I have a 1 year-old baby for christ's sake. Aren't I allowed to switch with someone else for a warmer month at least? Will have to ask Akinori to look into this further. Goodnight!
8 comments:
I can definately see a line in the bottom test. It doesn't matter how or when it happens misscarrying sucks - although I agree further on in the pregnancy when you have seen the dot, then the sea turtle (that was our name for early stage babies) is harder :( Good luck with the themometer and this months worth of baby making :)
nabe with the gaggle of girls and your day out with friend sound like fun. I hope it does lead to a girls night out cause always fun on those.
Gotta do something about that gomi touban. That isn't fair. WHy don't you wrap bubs up in a million blankets and take her with you - and say there was no other way and you were told you couldn't swap. Hopefully they'll feel sorry for her and tell you not to worry next time. OR send akinori instead?
I was there for the first two tests and I def. saw lines. I don't think it was your imagination at all.
So sorry to hear about the end result though - but you have made some good points about why things happen sometimes so I'm sure your positive attitude will make things happen for you.
Sounds like your tomato nabe was a success!! And that is great to meet new friends esp. with similarly aged kids.
If we don't go to Tokyo - maybe I will come visit and April and we can go and check out the Egypt exhibit I was telling you about together. And if we go to Tokyo.. well that just gives you another place to stay should you and Sara decide you want to visit the big city.
I think first comment, but I've been reading your blog for a while, sorry, I'm a crap commenter!
I can definitely see the bottom test line too, when I did my first HPT there was no line but it got darker over the next few days so it's hard to tell I guess.
Any loss must be really hard but you make some good points about how earlier is probably a little easier.
Hoping you get a definite line some time soon and have lots of fun trying!
You are toban for the entire month of February?? We were toban for a year with one other family so we each did two days a week one week on one off. When I say we though I mean K... gomi toba was from 6:30-7:00 so very doable before work. I take it yours is after Akinori goes to work?
Here's to a good week and hope someone else is checking the rubbish this time. :)
I agree with Gaijin wife that it doesn't matter when you miscarry it still stinks - especially when getting pregnant was something you were trying so hard to achieve. *HUGS* Good on you for being so positive about it though. I know how easily it can be to fall into the pits of despair...
Good luck with the basal thermometre. I was taking my temps every morning for the 4 months we were trying and I definitely think it helps!! We also used OPK's as well though - I was so insisted that we didn't miss our chance.
Thanks for the comments everyone.
Our neighborhood only has gomi toban on Saturdays (I think), and each household only has to do it once before passing along the very fashionable plastic yellow arm band. So Heather, compared to you we have it very easy, and I guess I shouldn't complain. And yes, it's from 7:30 -8, so after Akinori leaves for work. Luckily some man came out of his house and told me to take my poor baby home. I knew someone would eventually.
Nay, if this month doesn't work, I would definitely like to get my hands on some OPKs. Can you buy them over the counter here or did you get them online?
I just read your question now so I am sorry about the late reply!! I'm not sure if you can buy them over the counter here or not - I bought mine from Ebay. I think they originally came from Hong Kong but the good thing about them is that there were able to be sent to Japan and were SOOOO cheap!
Thanks for the info Nay! If things don't work out this month I'm definitely going to check out HPTs and OPKs on eBay. LOL it sounds like we're speaking in some weird code language!
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