That is where I am right now, and I need to get out because it feels awful in here! I think it's a combination of the crappy, most-un-spring-like weather EVER! and all the work I have to do, and of course my shithead husband being an asshole to me today, and I'm afraid to say it...PMS (please please PLEASE! don't be PMS! please be whacked out pregnancy hormones!!)
I don't feel like blogging, but I really feel like I need to get some thoughts out or I might just burst. This isn't going to make a lot of sense, mostly just babble so I can clear my head. You've been warned.
The amount of work I have to do is definitely weighing down hard on me. And what sucks is that it's not even really interesting. Akinori has taken Sara out for a little while so I can get some done, which is why I feel kind of guilty about blogging instead. I think he just did that in attempt to be nice and apologize for his assholeness earlier. He wasn't even being a true asshole. I was probably being more of an asshole. In fact, now that I think about it. He definitely wasn't being an asshole. What gets me is how immature he is. That is what bothers me more than anything. And I start thinking about whether I can live with that aspect of him forever, and ever, and then I get depressed because I don't want to live with that aspect, but I don't want to live without him. How do you force someone to behave like an adult? I suppose you have to love everything about your partner, the good and the bad, and sometimes his immaturity is charming, but when we're fighting I want to send him to his room without dinner, because I feel more like a mother arguing with her 10 year-old son.
It's my fault too. I get bitchy, and when I get bitchy, he gets bitchy back. I want the right to get bitchy though! I don't want to feel like I have to control all my bitchy urges because it's going to lead to a fight. Why can't I say something bitchy once in awhile and have him just ignore it? Why can't he just assume it's PMS or something else, completely unrelated to him, and just let it go?
I wish it was just Akinori bothering me because I know that will blow over. My trip to Osaka may have done more harm than good. I just miss it there. I miss all of my friends. I don't hate life here, but I will never stop missing Osaka I don't think, and compounded with the weather and fighting, it just seems all that more attractive right now.
Okay, guilt is starting to set in even further. I really need to get some work done if I ever want to dig myself out of this black hole. Sorry for depressing the masses. Just not in a good place today.
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6 comments:
*hugs*
my husband was (um, is??) rather immature, but i have definitely noticed him being far more adult, especially in situations where i'm just hormonal and unreasonable. as we spend more time together, we get to know each other more (if that makes sense). plus, he's so busy at work and that just tires him out! *sheepish giggle* anyway, i hope your husband grows up, it's not fun feeling like the only adult all the time!
Men - it's why if you think three kids would be nice stick with two cause most of the time it will feel like three anyway. Hub can be both childish and just plain thick. He can also be very thoughtful, lovely and even quite sexy if I'm in the mood and had a couple. Tis what makes us just find a brick wall to beat our head against during the dark times.
Hope you feel some light soon. Good luck with getting work finished - but is it ever really finsihed?? Arrrggh. Off to translate.
*HUGS* Sorry to hear you are down at the moment. Sending you lots of positive vibes to get you through this time...
Husbands can really suck sometimes :(
hugs from me too! I read this post and your earlier one just now, and please don't worry about us! you didn't really traumatize me, it was absolutely lovely to have sara over :D
Just it made me realize how hard work 2 kids are, as opposed to just one. More of a reality slap than trauma! So i apologize if I came off that way! I really don't know how people like Gaijinwife do it!
And yes, men are ridiculous. My hubby is definitely NOT immature, but he IS the single most hormonal person I have EVER met. He makes my PMS look like nothing. Seriously. He claims its NOT hormones, but just tiredness/feeling sick/hangover blah blah ... but actually ... hes a hormonal bitch.
Just give your hubby a good old fashioned Japanese style pop over the back of the head. It might trigger some scary-sensei flashback and scare him into behaving. (Joking, of course!)
And .... I think you should all come back to Osaka :D We miss you too!
Sorry you have wandered into the dark place... I find I do as well when going from a time of fun and support to a time of "normalacy." The adjustment can suck esp. if you aren't 100% thrilled with the normalacy you are returning too..
Sorry to hear Akinori is in the doghouse right now, I think man PMS is soooo real. At least he isn't violent right... Ryohei has a horrible temper and has kicked holes in our dresser, the closet door, and demolished a cardboard box... it scares the crap out of me.
Anyways (HUGS) that this is something that will pass and that there will be something great this week to get you over the hump and smiling again.
I like what Nay said "Husbands just suck sometimes"- and that is so true.
Sorry to hear you are down at the moment- hopefully when the spring weather FINALLY COMES OUT AND STAYS OUT you will be feeling a bit better.
I think men in general are immature- and it can drive us ladies around the bend. Hopefully Akinori gets where you are coming from and pulls his head in soon :-)
Hugs!
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