Where's Harry Potter When You Need Him?!

To undo whatever horrible curse has been cast on me!
I thought yesterday was not the best day, well today things got worse. I woke up 20 minutes before yoga class started yesterday. That was a pretty bad start, but it was also kind of good since it meant I actually got a lot more sleep than I thought I would, since I went to sleep at 4am (what on earth was I thinking???) and Sara was kind enough to have a lie in with me instead of being super-energetic super-early. Once I did get to yoga, the class itself was pretty much a bust since Sara, having had extra sleep, and being super-genki, decided to visit all the other babies in the class, who were happy (if helpless) enough to just lay on their own mats and watch their mommies do yoga, and pull their hair, poke them in the eyes, and all that other kind of don't-know-any-better-but-it-sure-annoys-the-hell-out-of-mommy type stuff. I decided I deserved a cafe lunch for my yoga efforts, and of course Sara could not be still or take a nap, she had to be sitting my lap and chewing on my mobile phone which I was trying to use to make reservations for a taxi to take us to the airport next month (yeah!). I found out the cost of the taxi is a lot more than expected, but oh well. No changing trains while carrying Sara and all of our luggage, definitely worth the extra yen. So of course I have to scarf down my meal and whisk Sara out of the cafe so she can't get up to full screaming capacity, and she falls asleep in the stroller on the way home. I would have appreciated it if she had fallen asleep on the way to the cafe, but whatever. We get home, watch T.V. have a good nap. Akinori comes home, blah blah blah. Not the worst of days when I look back on it now.

I remember going back and forth between the living room and kitchen a few times last night. The first time I brought my iPod touch from the living room into the general kitchen area, and I didn't bring it back into the living room. I remember thinking, I'll have to go and get it later. This morning comes, I never went back to the kitchen to get the iPod specifically, and cannot for the life of me remember where I put it down. I have looked EVERYWHERE! Today was garbage day, which Akinori took out before he went to work. He thinks I had a brain fart and threw the iPod away last night, and unfortunately I am not 100% sure he is wrong. Could I really have been that careless? I really think I could have which scares me. I lose crap all the time these days, and I wouldn't be surprised if I did actually toss the iPod while thinking about the 100 other things I have going on at any given time. Anyway, besides the fact that the iPod was a White Day gift from my beloved husband, and totally, ridiculously expensive, I use it during my belly dance lessons, one of which I had tonight. So I'm looking around for the iPod all day and can't find it, and finally have to pull out my old iPod nano, and download all the songs into that instead. Luckily I remembered to bring the charger with me to class because the damn thing is so old, it doesn't hold a charge anymore. The class went fine, but I would really like to find my iPod touch!!! I feel like such an ass for losing it!

AND the cat ran away again today, I think. I'm pretty sure it wasn't last night because she was around when I gave Sara a bath, and that was pretty late, and no one went out after that. So it must have been this morning when I was half asleep when the bloody gas man came by at 8:30 with the estimate for a whole new hot water system. Or maybe it was when the package from my mom arrived a little bit later. I couldn't tell you because I never saw her leave. She came back once, I'm fairly confident she'll come back again. I'm just worried since I'm leaving on Thursday for Summer Sonic and won't get back until Sunday night. If she doesn't come back tomorrow, she's probably not getting back in the house until I get back since Akinori is going to take Sara to his parents' house while I'm not around.

I'm really trying not to think about how Sara will take me not being around for two days, because if I think about it, I worry, and I don't want her getting any worry vibes off me, so I try not to think about it. It's just at night that she freaks out when I'm not around, but she goes completely spastic while I'm in the shower and Akinori's watching her. Granted, that's all he does, watch her (as far as I can tell), but that's a story for a different post. I'm hoping that since she'll be at Akinori's parents' house and it won't be this house that she's used to, and used to having me around in, she'll be fine. His mother raised 4 children, she must know something about calming spastic babies, right?!

Okay, I have to get back to work since I have about another 2 hours worth left before I'm done, and I have TONS to do tomorrow. Oh my god, will I actually make it out the door on Thursday in one piece?

Ch ch ch ch ch changes ♪

Since I reached my 12th anniversary of living in Japan a few days ago, I have been thinking a lot about how I have changed and hopefully grown and what is different in my life now, compared to when I first stepped off the boat (or plane or whatever).

If we start with appearance, my hair is a lot longer, and I weigh about 25 kilos less! Wow! Of course there were times along the way when I weighed even less, then gain more than I would have liked, then lost, gained, back and forth, but a few years ago I met a chiropractor who introduced me to weight loss method that really worked for me, so I am confident that I will be able to keep this weight off now.

I have moved house 6 times in the last 12 years, not counting my move to Japan in the first place, and changed jobs or places of employment 5 times. Hmm, says something about my personality perhaps? Well the last two moves and the last career change were unavoidable really as they were a direct result of another major life change that has occurred since I've been in Japan. The 5th move was from Osaka to Nagano, which I never, ever, EVER would have thought I would agree to, but I guess there is something to be said for the power of love, which leads me to...

I got married and now have a baby. I kind of always thought I would marry a Japanese man, or an Asian man anyway, and lo and behold I did. And now we have a beautiful 7 and a half month old daughter who keeps me busier than any job outside the home, I have ever had.

I went back to school to study interpreting, since I decided that interpreting is definitely the career path I want to follow. Unfortuntely I kind of left the course without officially finishing the very last class, but I figure I can always go back and my current career is more important anyway.

I have a cat. Never in a million years did I think I would get a cat. I certainly don't hate cats, but I've always been more of a dog person and if I had a choice I definitely would have chosen to get a dog, but when I got my cat I was living alone and wanted a pet more than anything, and my two turtles just weren't cutting the mustard as cuddly and lovable, and some students found the most adorable kittens that had been abandoned by their mother. How could I say no? My cat has been my best friend and a life saver when times were tough, and I'm so glad she's here in my life.

I stopped leading the crazy party girl life, and I don't think anyone, not even myself, ever thought I would. Sometimes I think I would love to go back to it, but for the most part, I'm happier with what I have now. Once in a while it would be nice, but if I did, I'm not sure I could stop, all that partying was definitely A LOT of fun! I could probably write an amazing book about all of my adventures. Some of the things I have done or situations I have gotten myself into are just unbelievable, and some totally dangerous. I'm lucky I'm alive really!

There are a million other little things, I drink coffee now, I eat fish and tomatoes and lots of other things I would refuse to touch before. But I think those are the really big things that stand out in my mind most.

All in all, it's been an amazing 12 years, and I have loved every minute of it. I love living in Japan, and I love my life here. There are of course times when I get a little depressed or upset, or I have "bad Japan days", but for the most part, I am living the life that I chose for myself. I think the hardest thing I have had to overcome, and I still haven't, is getting used to living with another human being whom I HAVE to include in most of the decisions that I make now. Roommates are one thing, and I was never too good with them either, but husbands are something else all together, and now we've thrown a child into the mix!

Okay, poor Sara has been cooped up in the hot house all day because we were waiting for the gas man to come and fix our bath. He has come and gone (and couldn't fix the bath) and I need a Starbucks!

To Blog or Not To Blog...

Arrrrgghh! It is 1 am! I stopped working half an hour ago because I was so sleepy I was getting a headache, and here I still am, sitting on the computer, when I really should be sleeping since I know Sara is most likely going to wake up at least once before 7 am, and there is no guarantee I'll get her back to sleep after 7 am., AND I have a belly dance class to teach tomorrow afternoon. That may be the longest run-on sentence I have ever written!

Oooh, something exciting did happen at tonight's class though. After one of my two faithful-come-every-week-without-fail students texted me to say she couldn't make it tonight, and feeling a little disappointed that it was most likely going to be yet another one-on-one lesson, which although fun, is a little bit draining motivation-wise, I walked into the classroom and there was a woman I had never seen before! My regular student was already there too, so I thought she brought along a friend who wanted to try out the class, but it turns out that this woman saw Belly Dance listed on the schedule of activities for the day sometime in the past few weeks, and actually went on the internet to find out when the class was to come and take a look. At first I thought she had mistaken my classroom for another, but she was sure that mine was the one she was looking for. I was so excited! She stayed for about 10 minutes and just watched the warm-up, and said that she would most likely be back next week, and probably with a friend!!! Yippee! I haven't even had flyers made or performed anywhere in public yet here. I'm more motivated than ever now to get flyers and posters made and distributed around town. I can't wait to see how this develops.

Okay, well writing that was pretty painless I guess. I think I can handle 10 or 15 minutes every night. But now I REALLY have to go to bed!

12 Years

After some very subtle and gentle encouragement and the realization
that there may actually be people out who read this blog, I have
chosen today to be the day I start blogging again as it is the 12th
anniversary of my arrival in Japan as a resident.

Unfortunately I have chosen this ridiculous hour (2 am) to do it :(
I'll make a better effort tomorrow!

Before I completely lose consciousness, my FIL sent me the most
beautiful text message tonight. It made me cry. He said that he and
MIL were very lucky and proud that in this big wide world I found my
way into their lives and into their family, and they thanked me for
giving them a beautiful granddaughter, and praised me for how hard
I've worked the last 12 years. I start to get teary-eyed again just
thinking about it. When I think about all the people out there with
not-so-nice ILs I feel truly, truly blessed. My husband is okay, but
his family is really the greatest!

That was scary!

On Friday morning I thought I was finally starting to show because my stomach was so hard. It was a long, very busy day, very busy week in fact, with a lot things going on emotionally as well as work-wise. I was off to meet friends for dinner, and by the time I sat down on the subway, I didn't think I'd be able stand again to get off and walk to the restaurant. Luckily, the restaurant was close by. The pain was getting worse, but I thought if I sat down with friends and enjoyed a good meal that I was looking forward to all week at one of my favorite restaurants, eventually the pain would subside. But 10 minutes later, not much time, I know, but the pain was still unbearable, and it was all I could think about. If I wasn't pregnant, I would've ignored the pain. I know I would have, but considering all the things that could be going wrong, I was just getting more and more worried as the minutes passed. I called the doctor, who said to come right over if I was finished with work. So I caught a cab and away I went.

The doctor saw me right away, and felt around my stomach and inside, and all she could say was "It's hard as a rock". She asked if I was moving around too much, being too active, and I don't know what too active is, but I assumed that maybe I was and that stress probably had a great deal to do with it. The baby was healthy and swimming around happily, though in a much smaller space since my stomach muscles were pressing down so hard on my uterus. The doctor gave me an IV drip for several hours until the pain subsided, and I was able to finally go home around 11:30pm. It was a long, scary evening, and the next morning I was still feeling a little bit of pain, so I decided that was a good enough reason not to go to school that day (besides not having done my homework). I asked if what I was feeling was similar to contractions, and the doctor said the basic premise was the same, meaning that if the pain continued long enough, my body would eventually try to give birth. I'm so glad I decided to call the doctor and go in immediately!

Unfortunately now I tend to freak out a bit at the slightest pain, and I find that my constipation feels a lot like the pain I felt on Friday. Right now there is nothing I can do about it either. I have to wait until I go to the doctor next time and ask her for something because I can't take anything over the counter.

When I think about the beautiful baby that I am going through all the for, it really doesn't seem like much at all. My morning sickness is pretty much gone, I'm able to brush my teeth again, for the most part without choking. It seems my boobs have stopped growing for a little while, I think. Maybe it's just the stage that I'm at. I'll be 12 weeks in 2 days. Practically finished with the first trimester. What was a tiny embryo is now a larger fetus and probably trying to make room and push about. Hopefully once my uterus pops up a bit, I'll be more comfortable. Oh, and I started having to pee in the middle of the night starting 2 or 3 nights ago. Usually about 2 or 3 times a night I wake up, go pee, go back to sleep. Something else to look forward to for the next 6 1/2 months.

There's really a baby in there!

I went to the doctor again yesterday, and this was by far the most fun exam I have ever had in my life. The baby was clearly visible and moving around. It was so exciting! The doctor recorded it on video for me so I was even happier. The heart was beating, we could see eyes, hands feet, the brain, and umbilical cord.

The umbilical cord was a little misleading because it does appear to be a sign that it's a boy,　but looking at the ultrasound I couldn't help thinking it's a boy anyway. I'm going back again in 3 weeks, when we will probably be able to tell the sex, so we'll find out sooner rather than later I hope.

I'm glad I went and saw a healthy baby, and found out I'm healthy, because my morning sickness is almost non-existent anymore and it makes me nervous as to whether or not everything is ok. But, as I saw yesterday, everything is good. Now I'm just waiting for my stomach to pop out and to start feeling some kicking and movement. I can't wait.

There is still one tell-tale sign that I'm pregnant, and that's that I'm sleepy all the time! It's 10:30, and I think I'm ready for bed. More on another day...

Slowly but surely

I have been a bit slack, already in keeping up this blog. It's been nearly 2 weeks since this ultrasound was taken. It was Aki's first trip to the Dr. with me, and his first chance to see the baby's heartbeat live. I thought he might be moved to tears, since he tends to be moved rather easily, but he wasn't has moved as he was nervous. It was kind of funny to watch, but I'm glad he got to see Baby K with his own eyes. Who knows when he'll be able to come with me again.

So as you can see, Baby K is growing slowly but surely. Much different in these photos than the blob that was taken only a week and a half before. My dad said he blew the photos up 400% and could see arms and legs and a head, I don't know about arms and legs, but there's definite distinction between head a body. I'm going again in about 5 days, and I'm really excited to see how much bigger the baby has gotten, and what features have become more distinct.

Morning sickness seems to have slowed down quite a bit. I still have yet to vomit even once, thank goodness! But there have been times when I felt AWFUL! Really, really bad. My moods are the most unpleasant in the morning, but physically I feel worse in the afternoons. The other day I felt worse than ever, and called my sister in Kyushu who just had a baby a month ago, and that helped me to forget how bad I was feeling. Also, I've discovered that lemon chewy candies also help. They're probably horribly bad for me, but they make me feel better, so how bad can they be for me really? My breasts are much less sore than they were, but HUGE! They were big to begin with, but now things are starting to get out of hand, no pun intended. By the time I'm breastfeeding I'm going to need a forklift to get around. My clothes are still fitting without a problem, but I find that I prefer to wear really loose clothes as much as possible, just because I don't like the feeling of my waist being constricted. I can tell though I'm about to start showing pretty soon. I can't wait already! It seems like that's a common feeling among pregnant women. I'm excited about people knowing I'm pregnant.

Ok, it looks like Aki is in need of some dinner, so I'll have to continue this at a later time.

Time to relax a little

I went back to the doctor on Friday after nearly two horrible weeks of waiting and worrying. Luckily the worrying turned out to be for nothing. I got to see a very healthy teeny-tiny heartbeat and a yolk sac. The doctor said you only see them in healthy pregnancies and I have nothing to worry about at this point, except gaining too much weight. I knew I was probably gaining weight, but pretty surprised myself to see exactly how much. I need to find a new way to fight off morning sickness I think. Luckily I'm not vomiting, but I do feel nauseous most of the day, and eating really helps. I think I'll try chewing gum from now on. Maybe that will help.

It's really interesting to see the ways that my body is changing. There haven't been that many major changes yet really, but my boobs are getting much bigger! They were fairly big to begin with, and if they're going to get much bigger, I need to get some bigger bras! I can't wait until the baby pops through my stomach though! I will probably be tired of it after a month, but right now I'm really looking forward to it. I want to remember all these feelings! I feel much different now than I did when I first found out. I was in serious disbelief when I first found out. Being pregnant was something that happened to my friends and other women, not me. And now it's happened to me. It still feels a little unreal. Maybe that's why I'm looking forward to my stomach sticking out. Then maybe I'll finally have a greater sense of being pregnant.

I go back again on Friday next week. Hopefully Akinori can be there and he can see the baby moving himself. I've talked to lots of men with kids about this, and they all say that they don't really feel any sort of reality about being a father until the baby is actually born, and then it all of a sudden hits them. Considering Akinori and I live so far apart, it must be even more true in his case.

I really don't want to leave Osaka, but I'm really looking forward to finally being able to live with Akinori. Walking around Osaka today there were all these couples and families. It made me feel really lonely, and really miss Akinori. I really shouldn't spend my time feeling like that though because I only have another 6 months in Osaka and it's just going to fly by so I should enjoy every second I have left!

It's official!

So I went to the doctor, who was able to announce me officially pregnant! She also told me to continue living life exactly as I have been. What?! According to the internet, there are so many things that I'm not supposed to eat, not supposed to do. I suppose there are tons of women who don't even know they're pregnant as early as I found out, and do all sorts of things they're really not supposed to, and still have healthy pregnancies. Does every woman worry this much during the 1st trimester? The doctor did an ultrasound which showed only the gestational sac, which means I'm not as far along in my pregnancy as I thought. I guess that kind of makes it ok then that I don't have any major pregnancy symptoms yet. Just a low-grade fever, which was down a bit last night and this morning, scaring the hell out of me and tender breasts, and of course, no period. The doctor said not to come back for at least another 10 days to 2 weeks. She said it would take that long until we saw a fetus and heartbeat. This is going to be the longest 2 weeks of my entire life! I really can't wait to see the heartbeat so I can relax just a little bit, and at least know that my baby has a strong, healthy heartbeat. In talking to friends that have miscarried before, it seems that the baby's heartbeat is the earliest telltale sign of what the future holds. One friend's baby's heart didn't start beating even after 10 weeks, and was told that it was too much to hope for after that point. Another friend's baby had a heartbeat, but it was very weak from the beginning. Also, the doctor said my gestational sac was a perfect circle, difficult to see in the photos above, I know, but she said that if the sac's shape was imperfect then there might be something to worry about, and that I should be ok all the way to the end. One friend had a perfect circle that began to change shape though along the way. That is why I can't wait to hear the heartbeat!

Someone told me a quote they had read the other day, "A parent's biggest job is worrying about their child." Boy was that author right! It's started and it's never going to stop, never. I don't know if I can deal with this worrying for the rest of my life. Now I know why people develop so much more respect for their parents once they have children. And to think of all the worry I caused my parents! I was a horrible daughter!! Let's hope my parents curse on me doesn't work, "may you have children just like you!"

NOW I have something to write about!

Yesterday we found out through the magic of those little sticks that they sell at the drugstore, that I'm pregnant. We were a bit reckless in our thinking that it would take months and months to get pregnant, and therefore tried anyway, considering our living situation at the moment, but we are both thrilled to be pregnant period. Especially considering that it happened on, what could realistically be called our first try. (Aki and I were never able to see each other at the "right" time until last month.)　

I'm going to see the ob/gyn tomorrow for the first time to make sure everything is OK and to ask the TON of questions that I have! It's nerve wracking being pregnant for the 1st time. Depending on the material you read, 5 -20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and I have so many friends that have miscarried, we are praying that this baby stays with us. I have pains in my stomach that feel like menstrual cramps, and some that don't, and I don't know what is normal or not! It's all very scary.

Late Wednesday, early Thursday was when I first thought that I might be pregnant, and I stopped drinking coffee right away. I didn't pay too much attention to anything else, besides not drinking any alcohol or staying away from smoke because I wasn't 100% sure, but by Friday night I was 90% sure. My period is NEVER late. Early sometimes, but NEVER late. At first I thought I had miscalculated when it was supposed to arrive, but on Wednesday I was just so bloody tired, no matter how much I slept, it wasn't enough. It started as a joke. I decided to skip the gym, and made a joke that considering my period was late, I might be pregnant and going to the gym might not be good for the baby. Then I really started thinking about it. Aki didn't believe me until he saw the evidence on the magic stick for himself. Then everything changed. We're both so excited we want to tell the whole world, but if anything happens we'll just be devastated. Anyway we told our parents, his siblings and a few of my friends. It's hard not to scream it out to the world.

Today when Aki and I were walking around we saw two pregnant women and I was envious of their big stomachs. I can't wait to start showing! Though yesterday Azuza-chan brought Ila downstairs to say hello, and usually I'm really envious that she and Bunny have a baby, but yesterday seeing Ila just made me look more forward to seeing my own baby's face. I probably shouldn't envy anyone's big stomach and just enjoy every single day of this pregnancy because it's going to be over before you know it. Well, it will be over on December 14th according to all of the calendars I've checked.

Last night I could barely fall asleep and then mom woke me up in the middle of the night with a phone call, and I couldn't fall back asleep so I was on the internet for a few hours reading into various pregnancy issues. I know I feel pregnant, but I don't have morning sickness yet, although this morning I felt quite queasy, there was no vomiting or anything, and I haven't had any implantation bleeding, so I'm worried that the baby hasn't implanted itself yet, which lead to a friend's miscarriage. But it seems that lots of women don't experience bleeding. I keep having all these different types of pains in my abdomen though. I can't wait to see the doctor tomorrow and have her tell me that everything is OK. It would be great it we could see the baby! Or hear the heartbeat, but I'm not even 6 weeks yet, I caught this baby REALLY early! I almost wish I hadn't. If it took me just a little longer, than I would be less worried about miscarriage. These next 3 weeks are the most important to get past. I've never wanted a period of time to pass so quickly in my life!