SAD

I'm totally convinced I have this, Seasonal Affective Disorder. At least I hope this is what's wrong with me. Is it normal to be this unmotivated and weepy and easily irritated? I don't think so. I don't feel depressed necessarily, but if I didn't have Sara I don't think I would ever get out of bed. Even with Sara, I rarely get us out of the house, or even out of the living room, and I'm ashamed to say how often we spend the entire day in our pajamas.

I just hate winter, and I really hate how fucking cold our house is! I hate the fact that you can see your breath in any room that is unheated, which is pretty much every room other than the living room, thus we never leave the living room. We have a heater in the kitchen, but it takes forever to get warm enough to be comfortable in it, and the kitchen is at the opposite end of the house from the living room, which means walking through the ice cold hallway to get there.

I love Japan, and I love living here. I mean I am one of those people that other foreigners usually find incredibly annoying because I have so few complaints about the country or its people, but the lack of central heating or decent insulation in homes is the one thing about this country that I just cannot understand and pisses me off beyond belief. I can see how heating an entire house, including rooms you're not using, is a waste of resources and money, but then at least put some decent insulation in!!

I'm not like this at all when the weather is warm. Sara and I rarely spent a full day at home over the spring and summer. The really sucky thing is that on the rare occassion when I muster up the energy to get us out of the house, it usually feels warmer outside than it does in the house. Seriously, how do other people deal with the cold? I think perhaps having a job would help, because then I would be forced to leave the house, but since that's not an immediate option or solution to the problem I'd really like to know exactly how abnornal I am, and how other people deal with the cold. I seriously feel useless, and depressed when I don't leave the house, or even get dressed all day, but so far that hasn't been enough motivation to make me get dressed or leave the house.

Hopefully when Sara is a little older she will demand that we get dressed and leave the house, which will hopefully be all the motivation I need. Oh winter, how I long for you to go away and never come back! Bring on the global warming!